How to Build Trust with a Masked Man (or Masked Woman)

Updated: Jul 8, 2020

By Daniel Farber Huang

July 7, 2020


Photo by Anna Shvets from Pexels
Photo by Anna Shvets from Pexels

Coronavirus is forcing individuals and communities around the world to modify many aspects of our daily human interaction. New cultural norms such as social distancing and physical distancing are forcing us to adjust how we connect with one another. Many of our means of communication have changed dramatically as well, from endless Zoom meetings and videocalls to TikToks galore.


Spoken communication between people is often a combination of verbal (what we say) and visual (how we say it). Face-to-face communication today is further complicated thanks to the widespread (and necessary) use of face masks. Mask wearing by the general public is vitally important to reducing the risks and spread of COVID-19 both for the wearer and the rest of society.


A mask covering half a person’s face not only filters germs, however, it also blocks valuable expressions, microexpressions and other non-verbal cues from being communicated.


Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

“Learning to read microexpressions and nonverbal behaviors in general can be very valuable for anyone whose job it is to understand other people’s true feelings, their thoughts, their motivations, their personalities or their intention,” David Matsumoto, professor of psychology at San Francisco State University, said in a February 2016 American Psychological Association “Speaking of Psychology” podcast interview.


Matsumoso said understanding microexpressions can be valuable “for anybody whose job it is to be able to get that kind of additional insight – what I call data superiority – for the individual who’s observing others.”


Law enforcement, healthcare professionals, sales people, and lawyers are just a few of the professions where picking up on nonverbal information is valuable. “Anybody whose job it is to gain some additional insight about the person that you’re talking with so that you can leverage that information for a particular outcome,” Matsumoto said.


On a day-to-day basis, exchanging pleasantries at the checkout counter, asking for a coffee, even flirting while wearing a mask forces a dramatically different dynamic than was the case in our pre-COVID world.


In the excellent negotiating book, “Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It” former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss recommends that a negotiator do whatever possible to get face time with his or her counterpart.


“Ten minutes of face time often reveals more than days of research,” Voss said, pre-COVID.


What we say versus what we truly mean can differ wildly. UCLA professor emeritus Albert Mehrabian determined that verbal and nonverbal messaging are often inconsistent when communicating feelings or attitudes. In his research Mehrabian concluded that, when specifically conveying feelings or attitudes, only 7 percent of a message is based on the words, 38 percent comes from tone of voice, and 55 percent is communicated by the speaker’s body language and face.


In other words, nonverbal communication regarding feelings or attitudes is significantly more important than the words being said. Incongruence between the words and nonverbal signs may show when your counterpart is uncomfortable, even possibly untruthful.


[Mehrabian’s work has often been oversimplified, incorrectly implying that 55 percent of all communication, about anything, is nonverbal. His findings are specifically about feelings and attitudes. He even had to put a disclaimer on his website about it.]


Before talking about how we can communicate more effectively when hidden behind a face mask, let’s first talk about what communication assets we actually lose when the lower half of our face is covered.


Photo by Marily Torres from Pexels
Photo by Marily Torres from Pexels

First of all, we lose our smile, and the ability to know when the other person is smiling back at us. According to Psychology Today,”Smiling makes you seem courteous, likable, and competent … If you look sad or anxious, perhaps others wonder if you know what you are doing. So perhaps a simple smile might be a shortcut to business success.”


Former FBI agent Joe Navarro in his highly insightful book “What Every Body Is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People” said many of our physical reactions are controlled by our limbic system — the part of our brain that is responsible for our fight, flight or freeze reaction to danger that keeps us alive — and therefore brutally honest. It’s hard to fake what the limbic system controls. Think about how your body jerks or reacts to a sudden loud noise, that’s your innate survival mode at work. A person’s body often reacts honestly to a situation, even if the words that person is speaking may not be true and accurate. So it’s valuable to pay attention to not just what is being said, but how the message is being delivered.


According to Navarro, our mouths provide a number of relatively reliable and noteworthy indicators (or “tells”) that help us deal with each other more effectively. Like our eyes, our mouths can be manipulated by our brains to send false signals when we want to. For instance, Navarro said it’s well-known by researchers that we have both a fake smile and a real smile.


The fake smile is used as a social nicety toward people who are not close to us. Our real smile is for people and events that we truly care about. Our smiles are not only mental, they’re physical too.


Navarro said a real smile requires the action of two different muscles: the zygomaticus major, which stretches from the corner of the mouth to the cheekbone, and the orbicularis oculi, which surrounds the eye. When these muscles work together, they draw the corners of your mouth up toward the eyes, creating the crow’s feet of an honest, genuine smile.


With a fake, generic smile (say “Cheese!”), the corners of the lips stretch sideways thanks to a muscle called the risorius. This muscle pulls the smile sideways but cannot lift upwards like a true smile. [How many of you just smiled Cheese while reading this? Well done!]


According to Navarro, even babies several weeks old will give a true smile to their mothers but offer the generic smile to other people.


Other important mouth cues that are indicative (but not ironclad given that we’re talking about human nature) include disappearing lips indicating stress; compressed lips indicating the owner is experiencing negative stimulus; and pursed lips indicating disagreement with what is being heard.


Photo by Marily Torres from Pexels
Photo by Marily Torres from Pexels

Furthermore, mouth and nose combinations such as sneers, or nose flinching or nose crinkling transmit important feelings and responses.


Photo by Nicole De Khors from Burst
Photo by Nicole De Khors from Burst

And then there are tongue movements such as the pacifying behavior of licking our own lips to soothe and calm us down, or tongue “jutting” (a quick out and in) which is common when a person is “caught doing something they shouldn’t, they screw up, or they are getting away with something,” Navarro said.


We lose all those nonverbal hints, and more, when our faces are covered up. Genuine communication and its important byproducts, such as building trust and empathy with a counterpart, become challenging too.


A 2013 study published by the National Institutes of Health (NIH) found that the wearing of face masks by doctors had a significant and negative effect on patients’ perceptions of the doctors’ empathy. The NIH study said that a patient’s perception of a doctor’s empathy was essential in developing trust, communication and a therapeutic alliance. Studies in non-clinical contexts have shown that subliminal facial expressions can influence the viewer’s emotional state, attitudes and even subsequent behaviors.


Photos by Matthew Henry from Burst (left) and Anna Shvets from Pexels (right)
Photos by Matthew Henry from Burst (left) and Anna Shvets from Pexels (right)

So how can a person project trustworthiness when wearing a face mask?


First, the Don’ts


Let’s start by talking about what not to do. Northeastern University professor Dr. David DeSteno has identified four key gestures that you should avoid. A Sept. 3, 2014, Inc.com article shared DeSteno’s research on physical gestures that reduced a person’s projection of trustworthiness. The gestures are hand-touching, touching one’s own face, crossing one’s arms, and leaning away. The more someone expressed these actions, according to DeSteno’s research, the less he was trusted.


— According to the Inc.com article, hand-touching can make a person look tentative and nervous, which could cause observers to think the person is hiding something or not being honest, or that they lack confidence.


Photo by Anastasiya Lobanovskaya from Pexels
Photo by Anastasiya Lobanovskaya from Pexels

— A person touching his own face is a common gesture that signals the person is thinking. Lack of trust may develop when the observer can’t tell what the face toucher is thinking. If the observer didn’t know the face toucher well, the article states, the safe choice might be to decide that the face toucher is up to no good. [And in our COVID-19 world, face touching is a no-no anyway so this misstep may be eliminated by default.]


— Crossing your arms is a classic closing gesture. It’s shielding and protecting yourself. Crossing the arms tends to communicate that your true feelings will remain undisclosed, and that you are not open for collaboration.



Photo by Yeremia Krisnamurti from Pexels
Photo by Yeremia Krisnamurti from Pexels

— When you lean away, you could very well be seen as someone who is running away, disengaged, or avoiding contact. When you lean in, you express the desire to be close. We like people who like us.



Photo by Marlene Leppänen from Pexels
Photo by Marlene Leppänen from Pexels

Successful public figures are trained to avoid these gestures, which is behavioral marketing: it's hard to get elected and govern if you send negative signals. Similarly, whether you are interacting with a subordinate, peer, supervisor or anyone else, the same suggestions apply to avoid negative body language.



The Solutions: Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes


So what can we do to communicate more effectively (both in sending and receiving accurate messages) using our non-masked assets? Let’s start from the top and work our way down.


Use your Eyebrows More. According to a March 1, 2018 Healthline.com article, eyebrows help keep our eyes clean and clear, keeping sweat and dirt away and reducing the amount of light that gets in our eyes. Eyebrows also play an important part in human expression and communication. They allow us to show our emotions. One raised eyebrow expresses skepticism or interest. Two raised eyebrows can express surprise.


Photos by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels
Photos by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

Make Eye Contact. When speaking, even if distanced six feet or more apart, consciously make eye contact with the person to whom you are speaking. Show them you are paying attention to their words, that you are focused on them at that moment. Besides being proper courtesy, it does help differentiate you in our often distracted world where people are continually glancing at their phones during conversations.


Photos by Matthew Henry from Burst
Photos by Matthew Henry from Burst

Strong or Weak Shoulders. Joe Navarro, the former FBI agent, said in “What Every Body is Saying” that shoulders can mean a lot in context when observing your counterpart. When someone half shrugs while speaking, it indicates the speaker is not committed to what was just said. An honest and true response will cause both shoulders to rise sharply and equally. People give high shoulder shrugs when they confidently support what they are saying, whether they are saying “Yes, I did it” or “I don’t know.”


Chest Movement. Humans, like many other animals, puff up their chests when trying to establish dominance. Also, when a person is stressed their limbic system tries to take in as much oxygen as possible, either by breathing more deeply or panting. The stressed person’s chest may start heaving. If you see this type of nonverbal behavior, you should consider why he or she is stressed, Navarro said.

Show Them Your Palms. When a person places his outstretched arms in front of his body with palms up, this is known as the rogatory (or “prayerful”) display. Those who worship will turn their palms up to the heavens to ask for mercy. Likewise, captured soldiers will turn up their palms as they approach their captors. This behavior is also seen in individuals who say something when they want you to believe them.


The Knee Clasp. Take note if an individual sitting down places both hands firmly on his knees, it’s a clear sign that person wants to leave his current location. Usually, Navarro said, this hands-on-knee gesture is followed by a forward lean and/or a shift to the edge of the chair, both intention movements to signal they’re done with the meeting. If you notice your manager or boss doing this, it’s time to end the conversation. Be observant and don’t outstay your welcome.


Toes. Well, Feet, Actually. This is saving the best tip for last. Navarro pointed out we tend to turn away from things that we don’t like or that are disagreeable to us. When you are talking with someone and you notice she gradually or suddenly shifts her feet away from you, this is information you need to process. The shifting foot behavior is a sign that person wants to leave. On the other hand, when a person naturally points both feet in your direction, they are engaged and want to interact with you. When one foot points toward you and the other is aimed elsewhere, it’s a sign the person has to leave, precisely in that direction according to Navarro.


A June 14, 2015 article on PsychMechanics.com said that what a person’s foot does can be the most accurate clue to their intention and emotional state.


“The more distant a body part is from the brain, the less aware we are of its movements and hence the less we are able to manipulate it. This means that while we can easily manipulate our facial expressions to hide our emotions or convey emotions we don’t feel, it’s hard to do with feet. Thus, our feet often give away our true feelings without us being aware of it,” the article said.


Photo by Shopify Partners from Burst
Photo by Shopify Partners from Burst

The science of body language is complex and continually evolving. If you’d like to learn more, in “What Every Body Is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People” Navarro gets granular and shares numerous examples and additional insight into this complex discipline.



Note: Some of the book links above are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, Paradigm Crunch will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase.


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